Youngest Sister turns 3 today. Happy Birthday to me!

It seems like only yesterday my sisters were creating toothpaste and Tabasco concoctions for me to eat in return for the empty promise that they would play with me, so it’s no surprise that it seems like only yesterday I started this blog. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my sisters for all those years of mean-spirited abuse. They made me what I am today – hopelessly neurotic, starved for attention, and always just a little too loud and inappropriate.

Birthdays are a good time to look back on the previous years and celebrate one’s accomplishments, so I opened the Squarespace analytics to see where the blog traffic comes from and what everyone has been reading.

Me on my third birthday. If you have lost a parent, you know that the writing on the back of the photo is every bit as precious as the picture on the front.

U.S. VIEWS

Over the past three years, the blog has had 13,000 page views including 6,822 visits and 5,300 unique visitors. Before you call B.S. I should tell you that I honestly expect about 5,000 of those were probably bots and another 500 hits were me reading my own stuff over and over again. Youngest Sister has been viewed in 48 states and the District of Columbia. Note to self: Consider writing pieces on Iditarod, moose and cowboys to increase exposure in Alaska and Wyoming. Ask accountant if Inner Passage cruise or dude ranch visit can be considered tax-deductible.

INTERNATIONAL VIEWS

It is no surprise that 89.7% of my readers live in the United States. 4.05% of viewers come from China, where they are most likely looking for a little levity whilst recovering from Covid-19. Another 1% each come from Canada, the U.K. and Ireland, and it is comforting to see that this blog has brightened the day of one person each in Myanmar, Maldives, Kazakhstan, Vietnam and Latvia.

The darker the area, the more views, e.g., not very popular in most of Africa, Greenland and Mongolia. Or Iran, Saudi Arabia and Libya.

WHAT’S EVERYONE READING?

Here is a list of the most popular posts and their number of views:

1. How to Buy Fruit – Lessons from the Fruit Nazi - 590 views

I agree. This is my favorite post of all time. Hmm. Maybe the number of views is skewed because I have viewed it myself 500 times?

2. How to Recane a Footstool - 303 views

This must be all about the video because the article isn’t that exciting. The video has been viewed 219 times. Visit my YouTube channel.

3. My Rapping Debut - 267 views

I expect this is popular because friends of my niece, for whom I wrote and performed the rap, must have viewed it. Nevertheless, it is a pretty awesome song parody.

4. How to Use “lie” and “lay” Correctly – 255 views

I only wish this would go viral because every time I hear a fitness instructor say, “lay down on the mat,” I want to fling a 20 pound kettlebell at them. This attracted the most comments of any post, which is a good sign.

5. The Texts of Our Forefathers - 235 views

This post is very clever and deserves a look, if only once a year on July 4th.

6. Party Like a Rockstar – 222 views

I can’t imagine why this is popular, other than because people want to see me make a fool out of myself.

7. How to Install a Swim Spa – 206 views

This is a very accurate chronicle of what it was like installing our swim spa. The accompanying video has been viewed on YouTube 8,600 times.

8. What’s Up with Beards - 204 views

Probably the best example of how weird it is to be inside my head. Plus, it has cute pictures of my son.

9. Lessons Learned in the Deep End – 197 views

Timeless useful information gleaned while paddling around like an old lady in the deep end of the pool.

10. Ask Eula – 190 views

A brand new post that is sure to become a favorite because it involves a dog and everyone knows dogs sell.

Honorable mentions, because I am passionate about these causes, go to:

The Left Lane Closed Ahead Debate – 108 views

The I Could Care Less Rant - 106 views

And if you never saw the Easter Girls post, you really must take a look:

Easter - Then and Now - 130 views

My sister Norah (R) and me (L), holding Easter eggs, then and now.

MONEY - THE BOTTOM LINE

This blog is all about earning money, which is why you see peculiar ads about fatty liver, refinancing options and Birkenstocks sprinkled throughout the pages. You do know that I don’t decide what ads you see, right? Ads are pushed to you automatically based on what Google AdSense thinks you are interested in, so if you are seeing ads for penis enlargers, don’t blame me.

Anyway, since its inception on May 2, 2017, this blog has generated $36.03, or exactly $12.01 per year. Many would say I’m earning what I’m worth. My sisters would say I am being grossly overpaid.

THANK YOU

The internet offers an abundance of crap for people to spend time on, so I am humbled that this is the crap you have chosen to read. To everyone who has taken the time to join me on this journey, thank you.

How many chain letters have you received since we began social distancing? I have gotten several, for things like recipes, poems and prayers. In that spirit. you should know that, if you don’t send this post to 10 people by the end of today you will suffer some really bad juju.

Just copy the letter below and send it in an email to 10 people by midnight tonight and you will be fine:

Dear friend,

I think you would really enjoy the blog, youngestsister.com. Please visit the site within 24 hours or you and I will both suffer really bad juju.

Your friend,

Subscribe and you will be bad juju-free for a full year:

Subscribe

Happy Third Birthday!