The Left Lane Closed Ahead Debate
Close friends and family have heard this rant many times and are probably hoping that this post will allow me to put the issue to rest, once and for all. This is a grassroots movement and we can all make a difference by being informed and by simply not acting stupidly.
I’m talking about how people behave when they encounter a sign that says, “Left Lane Closed Ahead.” No one is ambivalent about this. It’ s a touchy subject that always elicits strong opinions about which of two options is the correct way to behave. Where I live, this sign instills in people an inexplicable panic mixed with a dash of road rage and I’ve decided to make it my life’s work to fix the problem. It’s complicated, so please follow along as I explain the options using infographics.
THE VIRGINIA WAY
Here in Central Virginia, when drivers see a “Left Lane Closed Ahead” sign, they immediately worry that they won’t be able to get into the right lane unless they do it straight away. I don’t care if the lane closure is 5 miles ahead, Virginians will immediately move to the right. It’s hard to say whether the motivation is panic, toxic politeness, or a combination of the two, but most Virginians are compelled to line up like lemmings in the right lane, leaving the left lane entirely empty. Everything goes well, with drivers slamming on their brakes, flipping the turn signal and merging right, until the line gets long enough that some audacious Yankee says, “This is bullshit,” and goes bombing down the left lane to the head of the line where no one wants to let him in because he is a line-cutter.
CUE THE 18 WHEELER
After two or three cars have gone up the left lane, a guy in a really big tractor trailer says, “You Damn Yankees, you wait your turn,” and proceeds to weave out across the lane line so that no additional cars can pass. Refer to Exhibit A, which shows 12 cars and a truck in a full-fledged Virginian Left-Lane-Ends Panic. Note that their need to be polite causes the line of cars to run off the bottom of the graphic. Cars that might have been able to escape via the right hand exit are held captive by the well-meaning but magnificently stupid drivers who are compelled to merge at the earliest possible opportunity.
THE YANKEE WAY
Although I was born and raised in Central Virginia, I escaped for 15 years in the ‘80s and ‘90s to live in New York and Connecticut. The one nice thing I can say about Yankees is that they know how to drive efficiently and effectively. They know how to use every inch of available road and the only time they are actually polite is when they are in cars, merging two lanes into one, taking turns in an orderly fashion. It’s an undocumented choreography and everyone who lives north of the Mason-Dixon line knows the dance. See Exhibit B which shows the same 12 cars and a truck that were featured in Exhibit A. In this illustration, the vehicles are maximizing use of both lanes, thereby shortening the distance from the last car to the lane closure and allowing the cars that want to exit to do so.
THE ANALYSIS
I have had many debates about this over the years with naysayers, some of whom are intelligent and command my respect in all arenas other than this one. Their argument is always the same: The right thing to do is get in line as soon as you reach it – it’s fair and equitable and no one, no matter where they are from, gets to cut the line. They are passionate about this and no amount of logical discourse, smack talk or shaming can change their minds. Don’t be one of them. All the proof you need is shown above. You can’t fix stupid, but you can fix ignorance and, since you have read this, no one can call you ignorant. At least not about this.
I don’t expect this issue to be solved overnight. It will take a concerted effort from each of us to boldly drive down the left lane to where it ends and then merge, hopefully one at a time, with the right-laners. Don’t let the right-laners shame you. When they honk their horns and give you the finger, do not avert your gaze from the road. Remind yourself: Right is Wrong. Left is Right.
I think I have presented such a strong case that you all likely agree with me. Either way, I’m always happy to read your opinions, even if they are stupid.