How to Revive Stale Bread
One of these things is not like the others. One of these things just doesn’t belong. Can you identify the outlier? Hint: it’s harder than you think.
A) 5 hybrid, B) 5 iron, C) stale baguette, D) putter
If you guessed D you are absolutely right - the putter just doesn’t belong. I know I can hit a golf ball at least 100 yards with A, B or C. I would be lucky to go 25 yards with D. If you are skeptical, perhaps more explanation is in order.
THE PERILS OF A LAST MINUTE DINNER PARTY
This recipe is from the final edition of Cooking Light which is the only magazine I even have a subscription to anymore.
Last week we had yet another epic rainfall. It differed from all of the other epic rains we have had in the past year only in that it froze as it was falling. It was a nasty mess. The fans on our heat pump compressors clattered as they accumulated a burdensome load of ice. Trees cracked as branches fell and power lines became overloaded. By afternoon we had lost power. Losing power is little more than a nuisance for us because we have a generator, but for our friends it can be real drag. So I texted Sara and Karen and invited anyone with or without power to come for supper. I had a recipe from Cooking Light called “Beef Stew To Brag About” simmering in the slow cooker, a fire in the fireplace and ample wine in the cellar. It seemed like the perfect night for an impromptu dinner party. The only thing we lacked was some nice hot bread to go with the stew. There is little that Sara, Karen and I don’t collectively possess at any given time, so I was confident my group text request for bread would yield the desired result. Karen appeared a while later clutching a frozen baguette like a shillelagh in her outstretched hand. We would soon discover that the bread’s resemblance to a walking stick was more than just visual.
HOW TO REVIVE STALE BREAD
Certainly there must be a way to resurrect stale bread, we mused. I wish I could say I thought of this remedy but, to be honest, I gave up thinking in 2009, which is the last year I can recall it being necessary. Tony whipped out his phone and searched for how to revive stale bread and once again proved my hypothesis that if I’m thinking of it, it has already been done is correct. It turns out there are a dozen pages of search results, including several occurrences of a video of a woman named Sara Moulton revealing to Rachael Ray her Secret to Reviving Stale Bread. Someone really should let Sara know it’s not exactly a secret anymore. All of the remedies begin the same, instructing you to hold the bread under running water for a while, but after that they diverge in a variety of ways that may or may not include foil, and high or low heat. Tony selected this one, from Bon Appetit, but I was most attracted to this one, from wonderhowto.com because they have a whole section called Food Hacks that I think will come in handy in the future. Loyal readers will remember that I find recipes with obscure ingredients that you use a tiny portion of, then throw the rest away, very annoying. Who knew you could make your own buttermilk by adding a teaspoon of lemon juice to a cup of milk? Man, no wonder buttermilk tastes so nasty.
THE RESULTS
While there is no substitute for a nice fresh baguette, if all you have is stale bread and it’s freezing rain outside and you already have your slippers on, this method works pretty well. It is worth noting that the food hacks referenced above talk about bread that is one or two days old. I think Karen’s baguette had been in the freezer since about the spring of 2016, so the fact that we were able to resurrect it with water was kind of amazing. Tony was able to slice it diagonally, then slather the slices with butter and garlic powder and broil them. I think it is one of life’s greatest truths that you can pretty much count on butter to make most things right. The results were quite acceptable, albeit chewy. What about the beef stew, you ask? Given the title of the article (Beef Stew to Brag About), one can only assume that, after cooking this beef stew I would be compelled to go around saying, “I make the best beef stew you have ever eaten,” or, “my beef stew is much better than yours.” It was good, but it wasn’t that good.
SEND ME YOUR GIFT IDEAS
Given the overwhelming popularity of my Millennial Gift List last year, I am compelled to offer the 2018 version in time for you all to go shopping for the sensitive, multitasking, idealistic little narcissists in your life. Email your gift ideas to me at youngestsisterblog@gmail.com. I’ll feature the best ideas in this year’s list. This is also known as getting other people to do your work for you.