It was an action-packed whirlwind of a weekend for me, chockablock with rehearsals and performances. It was exciting and fulfilling and exhausting and will take more than one post to tell the whole story, so this is Part 1. I think there are some non-singers out there who have no idea what a workout singing can be – both emotionally and physically. And I’m not talking about dancing and moving to the beat. I’m talking about the effort of breathing and exhaling whilst making a tone that sounds pleasant and represents the right note on the scale. And doing that all at the right time and in the right intervals, and at the right volume. Oh, and saying the right words and enunciating them and then ending those words with crisp consonants at exactly the same time as the other people with whom you are singing.

That is not at all what I did on Friday night, but it's where the story begins.

PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR

Remember when I begged everyone to vote for me to benefit the Music Resource Center? If you follow me on social media you have seen little else for the past 3 weeks. If you were in a coma or out of the country or something, here's what you missed:

To get any attention on social media you have to have a puppy or make an ass of yourself. Since I wasn't interested in taking on a new pet right now, the latter was my only option. Based on some of the comments I received on Facebook, there are people out there who think at least some of these photos were real. Let me assure you, I was not actually invited to promote Party Like a Rockstar on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon, I was not hanging out with Mick Jagger during the Concert for Charlottesville, and I surely did not sing with James Corden on Carpool Karaoke. Nor did I photo-bomb The Police or have a photo shoot with Tina Turner. It was all Photoshop, and pretty crude Photoshop at that. It was a moderately successful campaign that ultimately brought in $615 for the Music Resource Center before the big event. But the three big donation-earners pulled down $1,901, $1,890 and $1,244, which goes to show you have to do more than make an ass of yourself to get the big bucks. You have to have a lot of friends who are willing to throw coins at you when you make an ass of yourself. Obviously I have been doing it for free for way too long.

STUDIO 54

The theme of this year's Party Like a Rockstar was Studio 54, and many of the attendees dressed as they imagined people looked in the '70s, but I think Tony and I were the only people at the party who actually remember the '70s. So on Friday night I pulled on my fishnets, zipped up my boots and adorned myself with $20-worth of bling I picked up at Charlotte Russe. I squirted half a tube of Redken Hardwear hair gel in my hair and put on eye makeup for the second time in 10 years. I was perfectly dressed for a Halloween party. Here are some pictures of me and my peeps that Tony took with his iPhone. The light show was enough to cause you to have seizures.

EVENT VOTING

My token jar is the second from the left. The first one on the left is Ike's, the big winner.

On arrival, each attendee was given 4 guitar pick tokens with which to vote. Each guitar pick was worth $10 and you voted by dropping picks into the performer's jar. I received the most votes at the event, and some people even put CASH in my jar, which was cool. But I was so far behind in the online vote that there was no way I was going to catch Ike Anderson, who did a super freaky Rick James impersonation. While I did not get to take home the coveted Rockstar trophy, I did my part for a good cause and had a pretty good time, once my performance was over.

I appreciated the compliments I received from the 30- and 40-somethings who made up 95% of the audience. "I want to be like you when I grow up," gushed one, though I'm pretty sure she really wanted to say, "when I get old." Another asked if I used to be a professional musician. I was honored that she thought I was good enough to have been a professional, but couldn't help noticing her implication that I was too old to still be rocking it. A handsome man told a friend of mine he would actually go to a concert to see me so she brought him over and he introduced himself simply as Mahogany. I felt such envy that he has just one awesome name while mine is a two-line sentence and vowed to come up with one amazing name before I become a really big star, like Cher and Sting and Madonna.

PROUD MARY - THE PERFORMANCE

I wasn't scheduled to perform my rendition of Proud Mary until about 9:30, so the greatest challenge for me was titrating my alcohol intake to maintain a perfect balance between relaxation and inebriation. I nailed it. And I'm told the performance wasn't bad either. In her version, Tina Turner always sings verses 1 and 2 "nice and easy" then sings 1, 2 and 3 "nice and rough." The band, during our 15 minute rehearsal last Sunday, had cut it down to verse 1 slow, then 2 and 3 fast, but I guess they thought everyone was groovin' because they kept playing and told me to sing another verse. I also changed the lyrics to the third verse to fit the occasion:

Now since you came here to this party,
You're the kind of people who know how to live.
You don't have to worry.
You've got lots of money,
And people here in Charlottesville are happy to give.
So you big wheels keep on earning,
And those charge cards you keep on churning.
So donate, donate, donate, be a giver.

I know. All you really want to do is look at the video. But for those of you who didn't vote for me and are feeling guilty about it, you can assuage your guilt by subscribing to this blog. My subscribers knew about this video long before you Facebook and Instagram lurkers. So subscribe now and you'll be part of the in crowd.

I'll warn you: This seemed a whole lot better on Friday night than it's going to seem to you today. So maybe have a couple of cocktails and then watch it. Especially if you are my sisters. Look for the crotch grab at the very, very end. I did that in honor of my friend Robyn, who was always horrified when I would do a crotch grab in Zumba classes. But the crotch grab is like my signature move, so I had to fit it in.

As always, I appreciate your comments so I don't feel like I'm talking to dead air. Thanks for subscribing.